March
24
My wife wants a divorce/separation?
My wife recently announced that she wants a divorce. Our relationship has been up and down for the past few months. She says she is bored with our life and doesn’t love me like she used to. She was saying she wants a divorce now she says she wants to separate just in case she’s making a big mistake. She says the reasons are she doesn’t feel the same way,she’s always had someone take care of her and needs to know she can do it herself & she’s bored with our life.I ask her what she would like to do to make things more exciting and she always says "I dunno". I ask her every weekend what would she like to do then when she doesn’t answer we do whatever I pick. I’ve suggested counseling to which she has responded with "no I don’t need a counselor to tell me I’m wrong" She is bi polar/cutter and won’t see a doctor to get proper meds for fear of being put in a mental home (although since being with me cutting has become a very rare occurence). Our marriage started going down hill when her dad died. She withdrew a lot from it although they were never close. Which is one of the reasons she said the other night that she withdrew because she feels guilty about it and now feels responsible to take care of him (his urn stays here at our house) Another reason she says she withdrew is so that she wouldn’t get hurt as bad when I left. To which I pointed out that I have been through a lot with her and still stay wanting to spend my life with her. She stayed with a friend for a couple of days and came back saying she wants to separate to which I agreed but continue to date to see if we can rebuild the old feelings. She’s currently staying with me right now because my dad is in the hospital and no one knows if he’s going to make it or not so she’s staying to be with me through it. Can anyone make any suggestions on what I can do on my end to make things better? I get her flowers on occasion,leave her little notes saying that I love her. Granted all these are not things I do a whole lot anymore but things I have tried recently again to help things out. We have no kids and her family has come to me saying that she’s just messed up in the head and needs counseling and that no matter where is at or who she is with she is going to try to find a reason to be unhappy. She says she knows I love her. Any help is appreciated.
thanks for the advice all 
I agree and know she needs counseling. I have offered to go with her for any single counseling I even offered to take counseling also just so she knows she’s not alone. She doesn’t have any meds. She won’t see a doctor to get any prescribed. I had told her to to omit details on certain things as well and wear clothing to cover up the scars on her arms. This isn’t the first time she’s talked about divorce but it is the first time she actually had things lined up for herself to be able to leave. It’s really hard but I do my best to stay in a good mood and proceed normally and it is hard to be there for her when she keeps pushing me away. I still push back though and let her know that I am here for her. is there anyway to force counseling? I know it would make her mad at for it but it’s better than the alternatives. I told her I will always love her whether were together or not. her family and myself have all told her she needs help but she just simply refuses
She’s bipolar and won’t take her meds. She isn’t in her right state of mind. She needs medical help. I’d talk to her parents and let them know what was going on and see if they won’t help you get her into some psychiatric ward in a hospital close to you or them. After she has been seen by a doctor and has had time for the medicine to kick in, tell her to wait for a few weeks for a divorce and just focus on herself. After those weeks see if she has changed her mind. This is most likely not what she wants, it’s most likely the chemical imbalance happening in her brain.
Sorry for everything your having to go threw
Good Luck!
March 25th, 2010 at 1:59 am
She’s bipolar and won’t take her meds. She isn’t in her right state of mind. She needs medical help. I’d talk to her parents and let them know what was going on and see if they won’t help you get her into some psychiatric ward in a hospital close to you or them. After she has been seen by a doctor and has had time for the medicine to kick in, tell her to wait for a few weeks for a divorce and just focus on herself. After those weeks see if she has changed her mind. This is most likely not what she wants, it’s most likely the chemical imbalance happening in her brain.
Sorry for everything your having to go threw
Good Luck!
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SwEEtie PiE
March 25th, 2010 at 2:13 am
It sounds like she really needs some mental health help and it is your duty as her husband to do whatever it takes to get her the help she desperately needs. Don’t take no for an answer or you might be asking questions about funeral arrangements instead. Then it will be your mental status that will need the help.
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March 25th, 2010 at 2:50 am
if you love her make her takes her meds and get her in for counceling .
also tell her if she wants to take a break from marriage that its over and it may wake her up that she needs help
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March 25th, 2010 at 3:10 am
I think that right now you are in a no win situation until she gets the help she needs. If she refuses to get help (btw she doesn’t need to worry about being put in a mental institution as a result of counseling) you are never going to be able to have a happy healthy marriage. It has to be two people trying to make it work. Your best bet is to let her go and see if the change forces her to make changes in her life. If it does there’s a chance she will come back to you. Otherwise she’s always going to have one foot out the door.
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March 25th, 2010 at 3:22 am
I am a bi-polar wife myself… kudos to you for being patient… my husband knows exactly what you are going through. I can’t count the number of times times I told him i wanted a separation/divorce. I tell you to fight, fight ,fight and don’t give up. All the small things you are doing, she might not being showing any emotion to them, but THEY DO mean something. It sounds as if she is extremely depressed right now, which you already know, but be her support system, support her as much as you can no matter what, and don’t withdraw from her. She does need to go to a Dr, but that will be a touchy subject and will have to be handled delicately. If she goes to the Dr there are certain things that she can leave out at this time, to where they will not put her in the hosp. She will feel guilty about her dad for now, because that is her out. that will pass when she gets to feeling better. The best advice I can give you is to love her to your fullest extent and don’t give up on her, believe me (from experience) she needs and wants you to be there more than anyone else right now. Good luck dear, I hope it’s all gonna work out for you.
It’s very hard on you I know, but stay strong for her!
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I have been there