March
18
What should I do with my wife?
Ok here some background.
The wife and I have been married for 17 years. I am a musician and also work a full time job. My wife also workd a full time job.
When we first got married like everyone else life was
GREAT !! We have sex all the time, there was passion in the relationship. My wife would go with me to all my gigs and support me.
However over the years she has stopped going with me to the gigs and the passion is gone!! The sex is like " wake me when your done " sex.
I am a very passionate person I like to hold and be held. I love to sit around or lay in the bed with the one I love and snuggle with each other. My wife does not want to be touched inless we are having sex and then if she is not in the mood she does not even want touched then.
QUESTION 1.
Are there women out there that would like to be proud and support there musician? Are there women out there that like to be touched, kissed and loved?
Question 2.
Should I consider this over?
Life is to short to live with someone who does not share the same passions as you.
I am 40 years old and have never cheated on her before.
I just feel like I am getting short changed on life.
In addition so there will not be people that say " well you need to consider hher needs " Well read this.
I take her out for " date night " as long as it is where she wants to go she will have a good time. I bring her flowers on occasion and supprise her with gifts.
I thisk I am still a good catch and should not put up with this.
What do you think?
Ok, Stop saying I need to talk to her.
I am not an IDIOT I have talked to her about it. Things will get a little better for a short while. Then things are right back as they have been.
I posted the same question earlier today. I’m also 40, married 13 years, and I am a hobby musician. If it were not for my 2 kids, I’d kick my wife out of the house. I cannot believe women can be this lame, not to mention weird.
I’ve tried to talk to my wife about it, made us go to counseling. Nothing works, she is determined to be a passive aggressive ignorant slouch.
Maybe you and I should just start a facebook page called "husbands who became monks out of default"
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgnMAW4Yj_1.xpIoPb_UzX4H53NG;_ylv=3?qid=20090706052912AAYY1uc
Edit – All the people here who say that YOU need to do something else or YOU are the problem or YOU need to TALK to her… are ALL WRONG. The problem is HER not YOU. And talking isn’t going to solve anything. If it were that easy you would not be in this situation. She obviously wants to cause you pain.
March 18th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Talk to her about your concerns, not us. Sounds like a lack of communication.
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March 18th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Try dating your wife …. take her on a short romantic trip .. to rekindle the ol-flame …. work on what ya got, before you go looking to replace it.
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March 18th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
You sound like you are all of the company that you need.
Check the ego and sit down with your wife and find out what is going on.
Also, embrace the fact that you are no longer 19. If you want passion, watch a Lifetime movie.
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March 18th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
I posted the same question earlier today. I’m also 40, married 13 years, and I am a hobby musician. If it were not for my 2 kids, I’d kick my wife out of the house. I cannot believe women can be this lame, not to mention weird.
I’ve tried to talk to my wife about it, made us go to counseling. Nothing works, she is determined to be a passive aggressive ignorant slouch.
Maybe you and I should just start a facebook page called "husbands who became monks out of default"
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgnMAW4Yj_1.xpIoPb_UzX4H53NG;_ylv=3?qid=20090706052912AAYY1uc
Edit – All the people here who say that YOU need to do something else or YOU are the problem or YOU need to TALK to her… are ALL WRONG. The problem is HER not YOU. And talking isn’t going to solve anything. If it were that easy you would not be in this situation. She obviously wants to cause you pain.
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March 18th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Rule of thumb: DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS NOR jump to conclusions
also definitely communicate your concerns and issues with her
If it is bothering you tell her about it….
We can only make assumptions which would be inaccurate on here…U know her we don’t….Communicate Communicate Communicate
Ask her if she is alright…Maybe something you did wrong?
Perhaps lost of that flame in the relationship?
Good Luck
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March 18th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
well mate its life .. you give she takes .. better off with out her ..
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March 18th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
I’m assuming she is also 40 too. I believe all relationships loose that fizz. It takes both people that are invested in each other to love and care for there needs. 17 years is along time to be with someone. I’m sure you two are not the same people you were back then. I would suggest a heart to heart sit down and talk about all the issues you and her maybe having and how you feel. I can’t say for sure what might be going on with her could be the kids, menopause, depression, an affair, or she is just not in love. most important ask with care and true intent to understand,( not a blame or fight game) hope this helps
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March 18th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
First impression: You got yourself a DUD
But, I think that you should let her know where you stand and tell her what you just told us. She should know this so she has a chance of working out the marriage.
If she won’t give an inch then I say that you should consider finding that true love that has the qualities and the affection that you long for. There is nothing quite like a relationship as the one you described. Where one person shows affection and love and the other just looks at her watch while on her back during love making.
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March 18th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
My darling communication is the key. I know you hear this time and time again but it is so true. Sit down with your wife and express your concerns. Explain to her how much you love and desire and appreciate her. Tell her that her love and support means the world to you and that you are both young and need each other. You appreciate her mind and body and want only her. Remind her of how things use to be and ask her input on how you can help her to rekindle the flames she once had for you because yours are still there. Talk to her and let her know that you feel uneasy and under appreciated. You are a man first and foremost and express that to her that her support means the world to you and ask where did things go wrong. Encourage her to be truthful no matter how much it hurts because pain can be healed through hard work and love.
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March 18th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
She sounds like she is depressed do you have children? If no children then in my opinion she is not happy with your relationship for some reason. Maybe it’s from something from her past.
Have you tried to talk to her about why she is so distant? Maybe she needs to talk to a professional.
In my opinion any woman (me included) loves to have a man that appreciates her and loves her and wants to go out on dates and be romantic!
Whatever your wife’s problem is hang in there do not cheat on her that would only create more drama and drive her away. If you love her enough then work out your issues.
If you can honestly say that you’ve done everything you can and she still does not want your relationship then you know you did everything you can and you can walk away clean.
I hope everything works out!
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March 19th, 2010 at 12:03 am
!. A lot of partners will be happy to support your music for a while but after several years of marriage or dating things change. it sounds like you want a groupie not a wife. Yes most women like to be loved but in long marriages it often hits a rut.
2. After such a long marriage if you have any love, feelings or respect yes have a try.
3. You are 40 and a husband not 17!
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March 19th, 2010 at 12:27 am
You could be describing MY marriage also except that I am the woman. My husband started to have affairs and when I found out I felt devastated. I wanted to end the marriage because I couldn’t see how I could get over the betrayal that I felt.
I agreed to stay together if we had therapy and of course he listed how perfect he thought he was, and how cold I was. I listed how uncommunicative I thought he was and unsupportive he was with everyday domestic issues. We both worked full time, he had his football as a hobby so was out of the house a lot.
To cut a long story short, we were totally unaware of how the other one really thought, share your worries with your wife, you may find out that she is as disgruntled as you are.
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March 19th, 2010 at 1:03 am
i agree with you (even though i cant follow my own advice) life is too short to not be able to share the same passion. I cant tell you the best thing for you to do since it is your life and you are the only one that knows her but before you do anything, first see what is wrong (if you havent), see if she is depressed, talk to her and still if nothing changes and even after you pursued it, then tell her you deserve better and move out. i loved my husband and did alot for him almost everything which was the problem, i left him 2007 and now i am back with him (not living together) but i dont think we share the same passion except i cant handle the facts leaving him again; i love him too much and cant picture my life without him. if you can picture being with someone else and them in your life some day, leave her.
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March 19th, 2010 at 1:14 am
It sounds to me like instead asking the public you should ask her…even I ( a 24 year old) knows that and I have only been married for 5 years.
Something is wrong for sure if there is doubt. Maybe write a song about her, that’s what my husband did. It was the sweetest thing in the world.
I think if you guys have been married for 17 years then there were a lot of good/great times. Don’t let the "bad" times now outweigh the good times.
Just talk to her.
I would not call it quits before all options are tried.
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March 19th, 2010 at 1:22 am
…i think you should have an affair with another woman…
if tonite you had a beautiful woman beside you would you be lying in your bed,..in your boxers.. waiting for her to jump your bones/watching TV in your boxers…(the king of queens) or would you be trying to impress her..the second sounds better…then why…aren’t you having that affair…only with your wife.
…when was the last time that you got her some flowers or have you called her lately to go out to a nice evening…try treating her like a mistress. wine her, din her and don’t pressure the sex…if you do things the right way, she’ll find her way back to you…remember cologue..and a shower..women love that kind of stuff…
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March 19th, 2010 at 2:12 am
Maybe she is overwhelmed by in-house responsibilities. I know guys think that this kind of work is not big deal, but, u know, everytime I start doing house chores I feel everytime LESS like myself.
It’s like you are loosing your identity. After all, NO ONE likes to do this type of work. (If they say they do, they are in denial).
Maybe your wife has been involved in so much household chores that she LOST her sense of herself, that is why she feels less like herself to you.
Try talk to her and see if that’s the case, offer her help, or even consider hiring a maid.
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March 19th, 2010 at 2:31 am
1. there are women out in the world that want love, sex, and intimacy.
2. there has to be a specific reason why things have gotten to that point – perhaps she doesn’t like the type of music anymore, or feels she’s a better supporter if she’s at home.
3. it’s only ‘over’ when you feel everything has been lost and there’s irreversible damage to the relationship (trust me, I’ve got battles too, though mine are actually the exact opposite – my husband is the frigid one)
4. I will say, that the Princess needs to get off her high horse and enjoy activities you enjoy as well though, even if she doesn’t enjoy them… it’s called compromise.
my suggestion would be to give her options… if she doesn’t want to support you in your career/passion, she can’t bitch and moan about the fact that you do it. she knew going into the relationship that you were a musician. If she wants a quieter life, devoid of music, then she needs to be strong enough to step up and deal with it on her side. Sounds like to me that she’s getting the proverbial cake and eating it too though – she gets to tell all her co-workers about her awesome musician hubby, while she acts cold toward you at home. Tell her that it is time for a balance, and start laying out what it is you have in mind for a 5 yr plan – if she’s not up for it, or can’t see herself in that… you pretty much have your answer.
good luck though music man.
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