March
22
Why Is She Doing This? Should I Even Bother? Long.. "Interesting" Story..?
For the past month I’ve been on a roller coaster ride with my ex girlfriend. I met her in November of 2008 and she was the best thing that ever happened to me. We fell in love with each other. I was more than your average boyfriend. I cooked, helped her financially if she needed, bought her dinner, opened doors, bought her flowers on occasion, and did all of the little things that mattered. We had our bumps in the road, but we got over it before we knew it we were giving each other a hug and a kiss. She ended meeting a new guy and she cheated on me and left me for him. I was devastated for months.
A few months ago I decided to take her out of my life completely and deleted her as a friend on facebook. About a month ago I received a message from her wondering why I deleted her. I didn’t bother to respond. She sent me another message and told me she still wanted to be friends and that she was sorry for what she did to me. Turns out the low life she left me for cheated and left her. She told me that she still cared about me and wanted to hang out or have lunch. So I gave into her.
Last week I received hockey tickets and I figured she would like to go. I sent her a text and asked her what her plans were for the night it was scheduled. No Response. The day of the game I called and sent her text messages asking if she wanted to go. She gave in and said she wanted to. We went to the game and had a good time. We went to a local bar for some drinks and had a really good time and laughed with each other.
We went back to her house that night, and that’s when I started to become emotional. Of course, because I was drunk. She told me why she left me for him. She left me because he lied about who he was. She told me we just weren’t right for each other. He left her behind with an apartment she can’t afford. She can’t even afford groceries. I felt really bad. She told me that she still had sex with random guys, and was also at one time having sex with a married man. She thought it was okay because they were swingers. That hurt me really bad. I told her that she was better than that. I told her that I still loved her and kissed her. She started to cry and we both told each other we would be a part of each others lives even if we couldn’t be together. I left that night drenched in tears. The next day she sent me a text and made sure I made it home okay and I told her I was fine. I offered her lunch and she said she had plans. I told her I would talk to her later. I realized that I was falling in love all over again. I decided to stop by my local card store and bought her a valentines day card. I wrote a heart felt note on the card along with a $300 check to help her financially. She received it the day before Valentines Day and thanked me. She said it meant a lot and made sure that I was willing to do that. I told her not to worry about it and asked her what she was doing that night. She told me she had to go to work. The next day on Valentines Day I sent her a text and wished her a happy Valentines Day and told her that I hoped she was feeling better. She never responded. I figured she was sleeping because she worked late night. Someone from work that day gave me a big cheesecake that I didn’t really want. I thought about her and that she would like it. I sent her a text and asked if she was awake and didn’t get a response. I just went home that night without stopping by her place. She sent me at 1am and told me she was at work. Didn’t bother to say, "Happy Valentines Day" or "Thank You". The next day in the afternoon I sent her a text and told her I was going to drop by and give her a cheesecake the night before. I never got a response out of it. I didn’t bother to contact her the next day. I was beginning to think she was taking advantage of me, and I was thinking about cancelling the check I gave her. The following day I had a change in heart and sent her a text and asked what she was up to. She told me she was up at her bank cashing my check and trying to get her account straightened out. I told her that I hoped that my check would help and offered to go to lunch when she was finished. I still haven’t gotten a response. I have not heard from her in over four days.
Why is she doing this to me? Is she playing mind games, or taking the hard to get game to the next level? It’s been 10 months since our breakup and in those 10 months she asked for friendship many times, and I denied. I finally accept.. and now this?? Ladies.. I need your help
You know what you are to her: an emotional crutch. She left you because things got exciting with other men and when karma screwed with her, she came running back to the one person she knew would be there for her. You did exactly what she thought you would do. You were there for her. I don’t even need to be telling you that she took and is currently taking advantage of you.
I get you were very much in love with this girl, but no way in hell did she deserve you back. Sometimes we let our emotions control our actions, but think about this logically because it obviously is only hurting you. As bad as you feel for her, she’s the one who put herself in this situation. If you are the great guy you’re making yourself out to be, she doesn’t even deserve your friendship.
It makes me upset to hear about guys getting treated like this because guys like you are RARE and deserve someone who is willing to put in 100% just like you. What LOVE means to me is making it work. Love is trying when you feel like giving up. Love is not leaving someone who is fully devoted to you for a "fling". She is lucky that you even responded to her the second time around after she broke your heart. It will be as hard as hell, but flush this girl out of your system. This is cliche, and I won’t speak for other girls, but I’d die to have some guy crazy in love with me , who is fully devoted, and yes we love those small gestures ( or at least I do).
For a balanced equation, input=output. You put in a a lot of input, and got very little output in return. It may seem impossible right now, and trust me I know the feeling, but you will forget about her and you will fall in love again. I promise this to you. If not, come back years from now and somehow tell me that I was wrong. I’m in that same quest right now, join me.
March 22nd, 2010 at 11:25 pm
I’m not a female, but I will tell you this, close the book on her and run like hell in the other direction. If she randomly sleeping around you could get any number of diseases. Don’t drink the water from the swimming pool!
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March 22nd, 2010 at 11:36 pm
you sound like a really really lovely guy and i feel bad for you. she may love you, but i feel she is using you. she shouldnt be. good luck xx
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March 22nd, 2010 at 11:45 pm
You sound like such a sweetheart but I think that she is just taking advantage of you. She does not sound like shes ready for a real relationship. I think you should just move on and maybe be friends but thats it
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March 23rd, 2010 at 12:24 am
Holy shitt… that’s insane.. i know you probably don’t wanna hear this but, if shes sleeping with random guys (especially married ones!) then shes not a good person, doesn’t have a good heart, and won’t feel bad completely taking advantage of you. that is so horrible for you and i’m really sorry. i’m sure you don’t deserve it
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March 23rd, 2010 at 12:45 am
I think shes taking you for a ride, you get selfish people like that, Shes taking advantage of your feelings for her and your caring nature, I know you care for her but at the end of the day, her financial problems are her own doing, shes a big girl she needs to take responsibility and stop relying on other peoples good nature. I know its hard to understand, but some people get some sort of ‘kick’ out of ‘playing’ with people heads.. Im not saying for sure (obviously because i dont know) but maybe the friendship thing was about her control over you, she figured you would eventually come round because she knows you wouldnt want to see her in a bad situation.. She knew that you would help her out.
Like i said, this is just how ive interpreted it, but whatever this girls intentions, she sounds very manipulative. And you dont deserve someone who doesnt respect or is grateful for your help..
You deserve so much better then that. It may seem hard now, but ignore her calls, texts, messages.. an concentrate on moving on, itll get better, and eventually youll find that days go by and you dont think about her so much.
And you’ll find someone new.
Good luck!
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March 23rd, 2010 at 1:18 am
I would hop off the ride. I know, much easier said than done but if she is at a place in her life where she doesn’t want you in the same capacity that you want her then it is best for you in the long run to think of the $300.00 as a deposit into your trust for future happiness and walk away. Being friends with her at this point in time isn’t realistic when you are still in love with her. You were right to delete her. There is nothing wrong with self preservation.
When you love some one you call them back. You text them back. You give what you receive and I know it isn’t always 50/50 but that can be ok as long as you know that in times of need, when you can’t give 50/50 that person will pull up the slack just as much as you would. That makes it balanced.
I think with out a doubt you love her and maybe some part of her loves you too but it isn’t equal to what YOU feel. That was one of the hardest realisations I ever had to make. There is no balance between the two of you anymore, if there ever was and there has to be some sort of balance between give and take to make love work. You seem very kind and forgiving and while she may not be actively thinking "I am going to take advantage of this while I can!" I think she is still taking advantage of you. I will try to be forgiving with her and say perhaps it is a passive choice she is unaware of but when you love someone you are aware and I honestly think she is cognizant of what she is doing.
I’d even go as far to say that when you pull back from her it will cause her to come back to you even more. That will be the hardest part of all. I would deny. I think it’s best for you and right now as much as you were trying to be the good guy I think it is time to put that effort into being good to you and finding someone else who is just as much of a good person. You’ll get a lot more out of it and $300.00 will seem like a small price to pay for the ability to move on and that is awfully hard when you keep looking back. Stop looking in the rear view mirror and get on a different ride that moves forward. You’ll find what you are looking for and it won’t be her.
References :
Been about one million miles in your shoes.
March 23rd, 2010 at 1:27 am
thats bad man shes just keeping you on the string cuz she knows how much you love her and she can alway fall back on you cuz she knows your feelings will take over and you’ll help her get out of it man its gonna make you feel like every time she tells you something it’ll feel like she just cheated on you even though you guys are done shes pretty much using you so she can make her self feel better not caring how you feel theres lots to this stuff man
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March 23rd, 2010 at 1:42 am
You know what you are to her: an emotional crutch. She left you because things got exciting with other men and when karma screwed with her, she came running back to the one person she knew would be there for her. You did exactly what she thought you would do. You were there for her. I don’t even need to be telling you that she took and is currently taking advantage of you.
I get you were very much in love with this girl, but no way in hell did she deserve you back. Sometimes we let our emotions control our actions, but think about this logically because it obviously is only hurting you. As bad as you feel for her, she’s the one who put herself in this situation. If you are the great guy you’re making yourself out to be, she doesn’t even deserve your friendship.
It makes me upset to hear about guys getting treated like this because guys like you are RARE and deserve someone who is willing to put in 100% just like you. What LOVE means to me is making it work. Love is trying when you feel like giving up. Love is not leaving someone who is fully devoted to you for a "fling". She is lucky that you even responded to her the second time around after she broke your heart. It will be as hard as hell, but flush this girl out of your system. This is cliche, and I won’t speak for other girls, but I’d die to have some guy crazy in love with me , who is fully devoted, and yes we love those small gestures ( or at least I do).
For a balanced equation, input=output. You put in a a lot of input, and got very little output in return. It may seem impossible right now, and trust me I know the feeling, but you will forget about her and you will fall in love again. I promise this to you. If not, come back years from now and somehow tell me that I was wrong. I’m in that same quest right now, join me.
References :
Past life and hope for the future